What Is the ‘Let Them Theory’? (And Why It’s Not Real Psychology)

Written By Melissa Chana

Let’s Set the Record Straight

By Melissa Chana, Trauma Informed Counselor & Coach

Mel Robbins’ “Let Them Theory” is blowing up, again.

The idea?

Let them talk. Let them walk. Let them ignore you. Let them misunderstand you. Just... let them.

It sounds empowering, even healing. And yes, in a certain context, it is.

But here’s the reality:
This isn’t some revolutionary psychological insight.
It’s not trauma-informed.
And it’s not rooted in any actual therapeutic training - because Mel Robbins doesn’t have any.

Where This Idea Really Comes From

What Robbins is selling as “Let Them” is actually:

  • Detachment from Buddhist, Stoic, and Taoist philosophy

  • Boundary work from trauma-informed psychotherapy

  • Radical acceptance from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

  • Nervous system disengagement from somatic-based healing practices

But none of that context is explored, it’s flattened into a meme.

Why That’s a Problem

When something deep gets oversimplified, it becomes:

  • Misused (“Let them” as an excuse to ghost or avoid)

  • Misunderstood (seen as emotional strength when it’s actually dissociation)

  • Misapplied (used by people with trauma to justify shutting down)

Without psychological nuance, “Let Them” can become spiritual bypassing dressed as empowerment.

When It Actually Works

If you’ve done the inner work, “letting them” becomes:

  • A nervous system boundary

  • A decision rooted in emotional regulation

  • A way to choose peace over control

But if you haven’t…
It can become another freeze response in disguise.

Why People Are Grabbing Onto It

Because we’re exhausted.
Exhausted from explaining ourselves.
From chasing closure.
From trying to be chosen.

So “let them” feels like relief but that relief can be short-lived if the deeper wounds aren’t addressed.

Bottom Line

You don’t need a viral quote to give you permission to protect your energy.
And you definitely don’t need pseudo-psychology wrapped in branding.

If you want to truly understand your boundaries, your emotional triggers, and why letting go is so hard…
You need trauma-informed support — not a TikTok soundbite.

Want to go deeper than “just let them”?
Let’s actually heal the nervous system patterns that make you attract, chase, or over-explain. Book a free consult now.

Melissa Chana

I’m a trauma-informed counselor and coach who helps high-achieving individuals heal the deeper roots of anxiety, burnout, and emotional overwhelm. My work focuses on helping clients regulate their nervous system, uncover unconscious beliefs, and create lasting change from the inside out.

Through a blend of trauma-informed counseling techniques and transformational coaching tools, I guide clients toward greater clarity, confidence, and freedom. I do this by addressing the patterns that traditional talk therapy often misses—working at the level of the body, the subconscious, and the belief systems that quietly shape our lives.

If you’ve tried therapy, read the books, and still feel stuck in the same emotional cycles, my approach is designed for you. This is deep work for those who are ready to move forward with clarity, intention, and a new sense of self.

https://www.therapizeyourself.com
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Is EMDR a Scam? What the Science Really Says